Episode 8: Apparently, You Can't Shame Someone Into Agreeing with You-Here's Why (With Colleen Doyle Bryant)
Jenna Slaughter
Embodiment Mentor, Speaker, Heart-Forward Business Coach
An Interview with Common Decency Expert and Author, Colleen Doyle Bryant
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Shame vs guilt and the problems with over-simplifying a complicated world. We don’t have to agree in order to engage with someone.
Common decency expert and author of Rooted in Decency: Finding Inner Peace in a World Gone Sideways (book linked here) Colleen Doyle Bryant strives to illustrate the importance of self-respect and the impact that it can have not only on one's personal mental wellbeing, but the way that they interact within society as well. Through these discussions of morality and decency, Doyle Bryant displays how we as a society can and individuals can begin to work towards a shared sense of morality.
Utilizing research from experts in psychology, sociology, and philosophy, Rooted in Decency uncovers why people are acting the way they are right now and helps readers define their own personal values. Each chapter is a short conversation that presents brilliant insights—from neuroscience to happiness science, from Aristotle to Buddha—that bring new light to today’s moral dilemmas.
We discuss the 4 common values that tie a functioning society together: truth, respect, responsibility, and compassion. (around 23 minutes)
Common Values:
Truth- being honest with ourselves and others
Respect- all have some version of treat others the way you want to be treated (invites trust, fairness and reciprocity)
Responsibility- we are responsible for our own growth and development AND we do our duty to take care of others and to take care and nurture the relationships that make life happen
Compassion- we acknowledge suffering and look to see whats the right thing to do to alleviate that suffering. We share in each others sorrows and revel in each others joys. And that makes life a whole lot more pleasant
Time Stamps
10:47-10:53 people don’t react to shame the same way they do reason
10:57 - natural instinct to care and respond when they see harm
13:01- unpacking religious shame, "going to hell", and the LGBTQ+ community
13:56 - 14:40- getting people to agree with you
19:19-19:25- if the goal is to change minds, I need to go about it in a way that they’ll listen
23 minutes- 4 common values among religions and ancient wisdom systems